"WhoSane?" - 01/10/2007

"WhoSane?"
01/10/2007

I was with a bunch of friends at a nightclub. It reminded me a lot of Tabu, in Orlando, but with a bunch of subtle changes. One of the changes was that there was a concession area which was separated from the dance floor and in a completely different room, whereas Tabu has the dance floor and bar in the same place. I broke away from my friends and walked out to the concession area. It had immediately turned to daytime, in the concession area, and it was a lot like being at the snack bar at a college football stadium. When I got to the window, I bought a couple of drinks. A Middle-Eastern guy was working the stand and he either had a name-tag that said “Apu” or he told me his name was “Apu.” I can’t remember which but, regardless, I knew that was his name. The total came up to like $6, and all I had on me was my Visa card. I tried to pay with the Visa, but he said there was a $8 minimum for credit/debit. Annoyed (because I hate “minimum restrictions” when trying to use my card) I started looking around for something else to buy, that I know I didn’t really want, anyway. 

Without warning, there was an explosion, off to one side of me, and in walks Saddam Hussein, himself, along with a small entourage of his officers. For no reason at all, he just started going ape on the stadium, and his group begins killing everyone in sight. I can’t remember the actual dialogue, but somehow I got singled out by Hussein because he was really close with Apu, the concession clerk, and he somehow knew that I was frustrated with the $8 minimum, so he took my frustration as “disrespect.” Before I knew it, I was running for my life as everything - from machine-gun fire; to rockets; to grenades - was being hurled in my direction. They had absolutely no regard for anyone else in the crowd. As I was running and zig-zagging through all of these people, large crowds were being blown apart and riddled with bullets that were meant for me. I left the “club” and these maniacs chased me, rockets pretty much destroying everything around me. I was booking like a damned track star, though! Haha. 

 The scenery around me made a subtle transition, from an American city street to what seemed like an old, Iraqi neighborhood. The onslaught continued, though – men, women and children being annihilated, circumstantially, while I sprinted along an erratic, snaking path away from Hussein and Co. 

As if this all wasn’t random enough: whose house do I end up going to for help? Uday Hussein, Saddam’s (also deceased) son. (I don’t even know what he looks like IRL. Lol.) Nice house, too... 

…Anyway, I ran in through his door and caught up to him while he was in his kitchen. Frantically, I was screaming something along the lines of “Uday! Help me! Saddam has gone fucking Berserk, and he’s going to kill me!” Uday, of course, simply gave me the most pitiful look and then bust out laughing. I was left suddenly thinking to myself “Crap. This was a great idea...” 

So, the door opened and Saddam and crew came walking in. Uday, still laughing, leaned in and gave Saddam a big hug, and the entire group turned to look at me in unison, smiling. Figuring I was about 10 seconds away from being slaughtered, I suddenly made a break for a glass patio door that I noticed in the corner of my eye. Even though it only took me about 2 seconds to reach the door, I had time to wonder how much crashing through a glass and wood-grid door was going to suck and brace myself to get shredded by the glass. Surprisingly, though, I pushed the entire door straight off the hinges, uniformly. While running, full-speed...again...I remember wondering just how in the hell I got through the glass door without breaking it. 

 I don’t remember anything else after this, though.